lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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