piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
