Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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