He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
