I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
