can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
