I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
