She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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