I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Let's paint friendship bongs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
