Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Text me some of your sweat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
