So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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