so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
