I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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