Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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