He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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