would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
