i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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