at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
