Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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