i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
