This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
