I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
