the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
