My friends, they love my intelligence
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
even my farts smell like vagina
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
