You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
