how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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