Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
