one might say we're banned from that church
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
