Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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