you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
