Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
