I'm going to jail i love you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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