So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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