cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
