its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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