Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
