woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
