All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
