I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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