Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
