i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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