Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
