the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to sanitize my soul.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
