my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
