Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
