i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
