Tell her she can't have a vagina
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
