U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
