i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
