she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
