i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
