I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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