oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
